I recently came across this article that as an alternative practice to a more stressful pattern of living, describes how to minimize our regrets and maximize our happiness at the five main stages of life that each last 18 years. (It immediately brought to mind the five stages of grief that to be honest, I think seem more applicable to the dying than the bereaved.)

Anyway, while not wanting to sound doubtful that anyone could achieve major success by integrating any of these practices into their life at the appropriate stage, I found the system to be built entirely on the pursuit of success. Which isn’t a bad thing depending on how it’s pursued. But like many other mainstream manifesting practices, it doesn’t address the gaping holes the system leaves when you stop to consider the needs of those hard hit hit by loss or other chaos, which are:

1. People don’t feel they have a chance at competing fairly, if at all, in this rampantly competitive world we live in.
2. Their world can quickly become isolating the more they feel at a disadvantage.
3. It can seem impossible to try and rebuild and pursue success with the same intent, purpose and ability we have been conditioned to from a very young age.

While this is not a criticism of any manifesting practice designed to teach people how to succeed (this one from our very earliest years), it is an example of how the pressure of major goal setting plays a big part in the pursuit of success. And, where we don’t succeed there are consequences. The biggest one being unhappiness. But there are others. Perhaps loneliness. Feeling like a failure. Staying in jobs we detest and relationships that are unhealthy. Not trusting ourselves to create what we want. Not believing we deserve more (and the list goes on).

Considering all this, then add in being hit with unexpected loss or other chaos in any life stage (you get both in grief), when I looked at the to do list at every stage of living for success from birth to death, I wondered. Hmm, well what happens when your world has been suddenly turned upside down through illness? Loss? Financial troubles? Relationship problems? Divorce? Addiction? Or a host of other unforeseen challenges you never could have imagined? How do you change amidst the chaos?

How often does chaos threaten to take people down?

My next questions were then, how often does loss and chaos that can threaten to take people down, actually hit them? Rarely? A lot? Is it a guarantee that every single person is at risk of something really bad happening to them at some point in their life that could potentially destroy them? Sudden bereavement happened to my family, so I speak from both sides of the coin.

It is important to remember that bereavement is not only a state we succumb to after losing a loved one to death. It refers to the loss of anyone or anything experienced as an individual or community. Remembering this can help us all develop compassion and empathy for each other amidst any tragedy, instead of looking the other way or desperately hoping something similar will never happen to us. Feeling enormous relief that the tragedy that has befallen someone else didn’t happen to us, further isolates the bereaved in their recovery or anyone else struggling to overcome their adversity. It creates an “us versus them” divide.

The things we do need to create success amidst chaos

All of which made me think about the things we do need to create success amidst chaos. When we are hurting and vulnerable and doubt we could ever have a better life. Which we can! When we follow a practice based on self-compassion and empathy for ourselves and all that we have been through, which then becomes the foundation of the life transformation and success that we desire and can manage.

Which is the reason why I recently launched my online course. To help the bereaved or anyone struggling with adversity learn how to create the life they really want by working with a gentle, empathetic approach. On their own terms! No rules or have to’s.

I questioned for years, after my daughter’s suicide in 2005, how anyone could overcome tragedy. How they could truly change their life amidst the never-ending chaos and struggle that always follows sudden loss. And I discovered that we can! When we work with the right tools and develop compassion and empathy for ourselves and others. Which gradually helps us think differently about our past experiences, our present and the future.

Any practice that feels forced will not help us achieve success

Any practice that feels forced upon us or too hard to work with will not help us achieve any level of success when we are in pain and struggling. The vulnerable need time and action steps that feel like a gentle nudge, rather than a hard push. Being able to embrace information that is believable and feels relatable helps us reconsider anything that is contributing to our limiting experience and helps free us from our struggles. Where we can learn to dream again. Feel inspired to choose living over surviving. Joy over sadness. Healing versus suffering. Which is exactly what my online course teaches people how to do.

The information and tools should be able to withstand the test of time to help every student gain a deeper introspection to help them integrate new beliefs and behaviours into their overall life experience over time. They should feel confident that they can achieve their changes without pressure or harsh criticism of themselves for wherever they are in their transformation. No matter what they have previously endured or are going through now. How long this takes depends on three things:

1. The type of difficulty and level of discomfort at their starting point.
2. Their level of willingness to change.
3. Their commitment to change.

It’s never too late to transform – learn how I can help

It’s never too late to start the process of transformation. If you are looking for the approach I’ve described above, click here for information about how I can help and receive 30% off enrolment!

For more resources visit www.vonnesolis.com or check out the school at courses.vonnesolis.com.

Feature Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash