Can we really find the Divine in loss?

After experiencing earth-shattering death or any other harrowing experience that for many, can represent losing something of great value and life-long devastation, can we really find the Divine in loss? The Divine, as defined by many as something of or from God, or Supreme Being of another name. Which hails from the celestial realm and in its sacred power, guides us to develop our personal form of worship. Where in our faith we believe that all good comes from or through the Divine. We trust that there are no mistakes. Not even when the worst of our experiences occur.

In fact, we may not even question why bad things happen to us. Instead, we become willing to let go of our tragedy. To replace our sorrow with peace so that we can move on with our life. Maybe even find happiness again.

Through faith people can accept the bad that’s happened to them

Though this may sound a bit like a fairy tale to some, I greatly admire anyone who claims that through their faith, they can accept the bad that’s happened to them. It’s helped them to forgive more easily. To trust and love again and move on from their tragedy.

While I’ve personally never met anyone who is radiating with peace and joy after experiencing devastating loss or other tragedy, I can’t deny that for some, it has been faith that has helped them forgive more quickly. To recover from their excruciating pain that often threatens to destroy most people. Specifically, I’m thinking of bereaved parents and people who have suffered an even worse fate, whatever this may be.

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Certainly, I’ve read about and watched a handful of people discuss on television how through their faith they were able to overcome extreme suffering (i.e., losing all their children or entire family) that most people don’t want to ever imagine. Including me before I lost my daughter in 2005. All of them said it was their faith that allowed them to forgive and get on with their life. Which always sounded too simple an explanation of healing to me. Especially after losing my child.

I couldn’t relate to other people’s tragedies – I did NOT want to be them

Before I lost my daughter, I was a person of faith. I believed in God with a healthy dose of spirituality and metaphysical interests thrown into the mix. But like everyone else not yet touched by loss, I couldn’t really relate to other people’s tragedies. I listened to them tell their stories and talk about forgiveness of perpetrators and their speedy recovery with awe. Hoping like heck something that awful would never happen to me. I did NOT want to be them.

When I lost my daughter … to suicide

When I lost my daughter Janaya to suicide, everything I believed was called into question. Forgiveness for a whole bunch of things didn’t come to me easily or quickly, despite my faith. Instead, I quickly understood how easy it would be to blame God for my circumstances and succumb to misery that physical intervention alone, cannot heal. At the same time and what saved me, was the potential lessons I could see in my tragedy, despite not knowing at the time what all of these would be.

Photo by Emily Park on Unsplash (edited by Vonne Solis)

Looking back, I can now state definitively that it was my faith in the Divine and reliance on my spiritual practice that pulled me through the worst of my suffering. It continues to guide me today. However the one difference is that while in my earlier bereavement, I assumed faith alone could heal us, I’ve come to believe it is more about the choice we make to find the Divine in our tragedy and seek out the lessons to help us heal.

While this may be easier to do when we already rely on our faith to get us through our troubles, it is true that any experience that can bring us to our knees, can also invite us to discover the Divine for the first time or practise it in a more meaningful way.

My faith and trust in the Divine have helped me let go

Personally, it was a battle trying to align my belief that all things happen in Divine order with losing my daughter to suicide and the suffering I was left with. My faith and trust in the Divine have helped me let go of my incessant questioning about the why, what ifs, and where I went wrong. I can now accept that I’ll never completely understand why things happened the way they did. That I am only responsible for me. That there are lessons in every experience, good and bad, to help us evolve.

Though I still question whether anyone can truly be free of the pain that all loss and tragedy create, regardless of one’s faith, allowing the Divine to guide us to become who we came here to be ultimately feels more comforting and healing. It’s a great alternative to suffering.

Photo by Oliver Pacas on Unsplash

Being able to find the Divine … can feel like relief

Being able to find the Divine in any loss or tragic experience that otherwise would tempt us to give up, can feel like relief. Certainly, we can’t go back and change anything that’s happened. We all make mistakes and have regrets. Saying this, we don’t have to let our earlier experiences dictate who we want to be today. For example, choosing to live with purpose and intention and working towards our highest conscious evolvement as peaceful, understanding, forgiving, loving, tolerant, trusting, and adventurous human beings.

In every way that we maintain a practice, faith implies we have a belief in something greater than our individual ability to control or manage a specific situation or our life in general. We look to the Divine as a Source to guide, teach, and protect us in whatever way we interpret these principles and apply the lessons to our life. None of which in my view, matter as much as the results we can show that demonstrate our efforts made that can positively impact others.



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