This past weekend there was a horrific limo crash in upstate New York that killed all 20 people, 18 of them inside the vehicle. Reading past the headlines, I discovered one family alone lost four daughters aged 30 to 35. That stopped my breath for few seconds, trying to imagine my own loss and subsequent pain times four. I couldn’t do it. I’m not sure I could survive that level of human devastation.
I struggle with anxiety. Fortunately, not on a daily basis anymore, but it does sneak up on me depending on how much seems to be stalled in my life, giving me lots to worry about if I so choose. I’m well aware that nothing is ever stalled. It just seems that way. But for a person living with anxiety, it can take the occurrence of only one or two small things that remind us we are not in control, to kick start the feelings of anxiousness and worry into high gear. Normal situations that millions of people deal with every day can suddenly turn into problems the anxiety-ridden believe are or potentially could be monumental disasters.
In grief, making choices to move forward, which is necessary for healing to occur, sometimes depends on how willing we are to forgive ourselves past decisions and actions. Guilt can hold us to doing things the same way and having the same thoughts for a long time. This is especially true if we are concerned that the decisions we need to make to kick start the change we desire may hurt someone else, especially those closest to us. Every decision we make affects our immediate loved ones.
As a griever, we can do some crazy things. I absolutely advocate that it is the right of every individual to decide what they need all of the time and that they have the freedom to make the appropriate choices to follow their path. Especially right after loss. However, in grief (especially complicated grief), because the journey is so twisted and complex, what we think we want and need at one point along the path may be entirely different from what we would have chosen at a later point.
If you are struggling with guilt or regret over a decision you made earlier, you could be keeping yourself from moving forward in a positive way today. Stop beating yourself up. Past actions belong in the past. It’s never too late to change your mind about the way you can and will do things today.
When you act with integrity every step of your journey in grief, there’s never a decision or action that requires forgiveness from others. Only from you for you. Be kind to yourself (being kind to others will naturally follow). Love you for who you are and everything you have and are experiencing. Forgive yourself any perceived wrongdoings. Remember, you’re going through a lot. Sometimes you’re going to act a little crazy. It’s also important to remember that all of your decisions, when they are made from the heart, are the right ones for you at exactly the right time. All of your steps are leading you somewhere, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Throughout my own grief, I found that people have come and gone from my life (and sometimes come back again). There have been ups and downs, turns and twists. I have always felt a tugging in my heart to make every decision I’ve made, even those that I would not make today. All of them have kept me on my path to heal. All have taught me invaluable lessons. I have also found that the better choices inevitably outnumbered the questionable ones. Looking back, I wouldn’t change any of them.
If you find you are struggling with a past situation that was a direct result of a decision you made, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a hug. If you are in early grief, trust that your decisions will become more focused as you gain clarity through healing, and restore balance to your life. If you are in later grief, same thing. No matter where we are in our grief journey, maintaining inner balance is necessary.
The more you can feel tenderness and love for yourself, the easier it will be to forgive yourself. Which simply put, means freeing yourself from any blame and guilt you feel for any past actions.
Many people come into this world believing they are undeserving of their true worth, goodness and love. The more we understand that true power comes from within, the more powerful we become. One of the most important concepts to understand when working with intention and manifestation is that there is enough in the world to go around. For everyone. We only have to tap into this wealth of abundance that the universe provides by honoring our worthiness and staying open to receiving the overflow of abundance that is out there to claim. And then claim it!
I just moved into the condo of my aspirations. I won’t say dreams, but I will say the aspiration I had for the past two years to live in a condo with an ocean view in the city I have come to love on Vancouver Island. My husband and I moved to the island in 2016, but to a city that wasn’t on our radar. But by a force of nature that I couldn’t compete with, and despite not understanding the reasons for the events that occurred to bring us where we are today, I now understand it all and couldn’t be any happier or feel more at peace. Which says a lot, speaking as a bereaved mom who has not felt at total peace for years.Continue reading “Your Health – Environment is Everything”
So, you are a griever. Possibly laid flat on the floor by whatever loss brought you to your grief. Hold up! There’s help, even if it doesn’t feel like it today.
The first thing I did when I became bereaved was connect with other bereaved parents. I joined the Compassionate Friends support group (bereaved parents click links for information about support in the USA and Canada), sought out books, online communities and any other resource I could think of. There were few available. I was grateful for what I did find, but other than reassuring me I was not the only parent who had lost a child and that the pain I was struggling with was felt by all bereaved parents, I felt alone and lost. There was nothing to guide me to the healing I desperately wanted. Until, that is, I turned to the world of angels.
The journey in grief can be long and hard. Though I’ve experienced several losses since the death of my daughter in 2005, including both my parents, none have been as long or difficult to grieve as the death of my child. In my grief, there have been ups and downs and lows and highs, with no guarantee as to how anything in my life would turn out. The only thing I have remained certain of is that grief brings with it a rollercoaster ride of craziness. Where anything goes; nothing stays the same. Everything is constantly changing. Continue reading “The Good Griever’s Journey – Part 1”